literature

Seeking Asylum

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Literature Text

Come into my weary arms
You will take refuge
Your sorrowful gait
Gives you no right to refuse

You tire of life,
Of its expectations
Your mind and my heart
Have a strong correlation
When one misbehaves
The other feels the sensation

What on Earth is the purpose of our creation

We lie & we cheat
And the feelings congeal
Barely giving us time to heal
Each day passes
As milk rots in the sun
Our mentality grows
Yet neither has won

Crawl into my weary arms
From the depths of despair
You will take refuge
As I stroke your hair

And the tears will fall
One by one to the ground
In this world where only heartache can be found


    ©Gabrielle Matthews 9 July 2012
:iconstop1plz::iconstop2plz::iconstop3plz::iconstop4plz:


What do you think? Is it too disconnected? It started off pretty light, but as I wrote more I wanted to give off a sense of growing desperation by including more in each stanza, and then closing it with something more gently sorrowful.


:iconthewrittenrevolution:
Critique link: [link]

EDIT 10 July
I've changed "While we're barely given any time to heal" to "Barely giving us time to heal" in order to mend the flow. Also took the "And" out of "As milk rots in the sun" in that same stanza.
Thanks to :iconangelride: for the suggestion ♥


ALSO You can increase the font size by clicking at the top right corner of the file; it's the button on the far left (with the two capital "A"s. I really don't wish to change it because this is the only font that understood may feelings so to speak. It just..fits.



Edit-- 23 July--
Featured:
[link]


Edit 23 Dec 2012
Featured
© 2012 - 2024 BakuSpirit
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Oilux's avatar
Hello! Your wonderful literature had been featured on my Sunday Selects! Happy Holidays.
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